The Twins, Defining our Identity, & Killing Clava
let me tell you what I mean
Let’s start with the basics. I’m Ava Williams, the founder of this newsletter. I’m a freelance photographer and retoucher who lives in Brooklyn. When I was 19 I started a personal project titled The Twins. The project itself discusses my twinhood. I make images that place the viewer in my life with my identical twin sister Chloè. It’s a mix of documentary and fine art. Staged moments that happened, refined down to make a point. I’m going to share a little about how I make work and why. Here’s a look inside The Twins.
The Twins has many underlying themes and concepts that I explore. The biggest and most apparent theme has always been identity. What identity means to two people who have always been assumed to have the same one. I know people simplify us down to one person frequently. It’s not that they (the audience in theory) don’t see us as two people, it’s that they can’t. I am reminded of this mindset each time someone remarks that I could steal my sister’s identity or even actually frame her for murder if I felt so inclined. It is especially apparent when I think of all the people in high school who asked to call us Clava (our names combined) to bypass getting to know the two of us as individuals. For so long this is how it has always been, but as I worked through this project I realized it wouldn’t always be this way.
I have taken countless photos all with different concepts in an attempt to kill this Clava mindset, but take my most recent photograph as an example.
Chloè and I have, for as long as I can remember, always had to define who we were by our differences. It was never about why these differences gave us our unique identities but simply a marker for how to tell us apart. I was never telling people I liked photography, I was always pointing out the things on our bodies that held the weight of our identity. I have said all my life that I am Ava because I have a freckle and she is Chloè because she has a scar. I don’t dislike doing this or love it, it’s just for some time a freckle was the only unique factor that made me who I was. Most people tell you who they are by their individual personality and interests which hold the weight of their identity. They don’t have to introduce themselves and then the mole on their face. I understand that these are things that happen with twins and that people are curious to tell us apart. I will kindly tell you who I am, but I wish I didn’t have to all the time.
Taking this photo was to show the shift in how we view who we are. How we no longer view our identity in relation to the other twin, or to the differences between us. We are helping each other out of our “identical” label. We wear similar clothing but it doesn’t bother us any. We recognized our similarities as the wonderful parts of twinhood. It’s no longer a fight. As a result, we view our identities as who we are uniquely, not the singular traits that make us different from one another. It was a hard won victory to get here but we were able to do this because we’ve had the chance to grow apart from each other. We exist in different circles which means we aren’t constantly defining ourselves. We are coming to terms with our similarities and differences for what they are and what they mean for us separately. Finally feeling the pressure to be perfect twins who are entirely different and entirely the same all at once, lifting.
I know that this shift is happening because of the photos I took for this project previously. Take, for example, this photo.
This photo was made in early 2019. The first image was made in a reply to this image. Similar in idea but it was centered around sharing our identity. A shared identity fits neither of us perfectly yet we have to make it work. This photo may seem to solidify the Clava mindset but it was made to show how hard it is to live in that world. How hard it is to fit yourself into what people expect of you simply because it feels like you have to. When I took this photo I had felt like so much of my life had been centered around being a twin that that was all I could be. I felt like I was supposed to fit into that neat compartment of twinhood forever when we are born to grow beyond it.
The only way I was able to feel this freedom, to acknowledge that it was kind of messed up that people asked to call us both “Clava” in high school was by doing this project. This project forced me to look at all the things people have asked me or told me in acknowledgment of our twinhood. In a way, my most recent twins image also represents a sort of healing or forgiveness. We no longer tie our identities together in a neat bow because people ask us to, they don’t get a say in who we are. We exist together and apart just the same. You can ask us how to tell us apart but the freckle or the scar that are physical indicators aren’t what make us each ourselves.
The Twins as a project is so much more than this struggle I must say before I sound like I hate being a twin. It is also about how much I love my sister and our lives together. It’s about the joys of being this close with someone, living your life together, and how it is impossible to replicate the happiness I feel with her with anyone else. I could sit here all day and tell you how I get that message across. I could show you the little easter eggs I hide, like how old twins photos are in new twins photos to show us growing together. I could show how this photo
is in this photo
or that this photo
is in this photo
and talk about why I do that, what other easter eggs are hidden in the project. But I think it’s nice to leave a little bit of mystery, just for now. Some uncertainty in the details of it all in hopes you will stay long enough for me to tell you what it all means.
Starting The Twins is one of the greatest things I’ve ever done. Not because I think it will gain me recognition or fame in the art world. But because The Twins allowed me to learn explore and experiment with no pressure. It doesn’t matter if a million people love this project because it’s for me. I have full control over The Twins. Whatever I want this project to be, whatever I want it to look like, and whatever content I want to provide all comes down to me. These facts alone gave me the chance to learn and make mistakes. Some of which turned into works of art. I have learned how to be a better artist and trust my judgment instead of taking the suggestions of my mentors as the words of God. I have learned how to push through the bad photos to make better photos, and how to ensure a project is constantly evolving instead of flatlining. The only way to make work is to make it for yourself but the only way to do this is to start on the project you’ve been thinking about. Coincidentally that’s the hardest part of anything, but the possibilities after just starting are endless.
This Newsletter is Brought to You By:
Stanley Kubrick, for making twins horror tropes. Forever marking us as creepy real-life monsters
Diane Arbus, for photographing subjects she thought of as “freaks” and for making identical twins one of them.
Ariko Inaoka, for not falling into the standard pose everyone has done for twins, and for making beautiful work as a result.
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, for making twins cool again
Chloè Williams, for doing this project even if it’s not ideal, even if she is tired, even if she is busy. I am forever grateful for you.
Our next newsletter collaborator needs no introduction. But here’s a little hint
Thank you Ava, It made me think about things I have never thought about. Very clever ♥️♥️♥️ I look forward to more !